Your 5 Jokes for July 26, 2013: Battle Jokes

Civil War Battles

A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle sites. “Here," he points out at one spot, “is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees.Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down about a mile, there's
another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers."A tourist says, “Didn't the North ever win a battle?"“Yes, ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus."


Headlines

The following are supposedly true headlines that have appeared in papers during the war.Some Leading Papers' Coverage of Custer's MassacreVariety: "Custer Closes Out of Town"Pravda: "Big Red Victory." Sports Illustrated: "Indians Win Series"Women's Wear Daily: "Feathers Make Comeback" Reader's Digest: "Sitting Bull Reveals New Cure for Dandruff"The Washington Post: "Custer Loses Rural Vote"


Outnumbered

During a war, a Lieutenant asked the soldier why he was falling back during a really fierce battle, "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?" The soldier replied, "I got my four Sir."


The Uniform
It was the eve of battle, and the general was frightened. Thinking to shore up his courage by reading about the great generals of-the past, he picked up a book on Napoleon and learned that the great French leader wore a red uniform so his men wouldn't panic if he were wounded. Taking a leaf from Napoleon's book, the general summoned his orderly and immediately requested a brown uniform.


Winning A Battle

A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle sites.

"Here," he points out at one spot, "is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees.

Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down about a mile, there's another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers.?"

A tourist says, "Didn't the North ever win a battle?"

"Yes, ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus."