Your 5 Jokes for September 15, 2013: Barbecue Jokes

18,000 Bricks

A man goes into this local place where bricks and cement blocks are sold, and orders 20,000 bricks.

"May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter.

"Yeah, it's going to be a barbecue."

"Damn! That's a lot of bricks for one barbecue,"

"Not really; you have to consider that I live on the 18th floor."


Barbecue Is A Men’s Job

After 4 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and Barbecue season. Therefore, it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the Barbecue, usually on a Saturday, the following chain of events is put into motion:

Barbecue Routine

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – soda in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine.....

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all: barbeque jokes

(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women


BBQ Anonymous Quotes

The key to good barbecuing is having a sauce that can cover up your mistakes.

My grilled fish is so bad that my cat only has three lives left.

They say the great BBQ chefs put a lot of feeling into their cooking. I put a lot of Tobasco in mine.

Being a BBQ chef is a grate job.

Barbecuing is a grate skill.


Blazing House

As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block. All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly.

They glared at us with looks of disgust.

Suddenly, we realized why...we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them...


Returning The Barbecue

I was waiting at a customer services station at Asda when a woman in front of me was returning a disposable barbeque. When asked why she was returning the barbeque, she replied, 'There was no meat in in it.'

The shop assistant patiently explained that the disposable barbeque was simply to cook the meat and it did not include any food. Whereupon, the customer looked very embarrassed indeed.

The assistant checked the receipt and asked: 'There are 3 barbeques on here, are you returning the other two as well?

'I can't', said the woman, 'they are at home in the freezer'.

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