Your 5 Jokes for March 11, 2013: Balcony Jokes

Crying

A man went to church and saw his best friend crying there. "What happened? What could be so bad?" "My mother died yesterday," he sobbed. "Oh my God! Not Mrs. C. How did that happen?" "Well, it was hot yesterday, so we all had our beds on the balcony and we were sleeping. My mother rolled over and fell off." "Oh God, so that's how she died?" "No. She fell to the third floor balcony, held on to the railing. That broke and so she fell." "So, that's how she died?" "No. She fell to the second floor balcony, held on to the railing. That broke and so she fell." "So, that's how she died?" "Uh, no, not exactly... She fell to the first floor balcony. We all decided that she's destroying the house, so we shot her."


Gorbachev In Underwear

Gorbachev is in his residence, enjoying a day off from work with his wife Raisa. In the morning, still in his underwear, he gets up, walks up to the balcony and goes out in the open.

- Dear, come back here and put some pyjamas on - his wife says.

- What… Raisa, you can see me from two rooms apart?

- No, I'm listening to Radio Free Europe.


On The Balcony

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, “Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba’s knowing Cruise was just lucky.

“No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

“President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

“Yes," Bubba says, “I know him, let’s fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubb on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

“The Pope," his boss replies.

“Sure!" says Bubba.

“My folks are from Poland, and I’ve known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss’ side, Bubba asks him, “What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, “Who’s that on the balcony with Bubba?"


The Cutest, Happiest Dog

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and wasas beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't youplay with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through-- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me."


Who Are They?

Nehru arrived in Moscow on an official visit.

It was seven a.m. He went out on to the balcony of his official residence. In the street below he could see trams and trolleybuses jammed full of people.

'Who are they all?' asked Nehru.

'Russia's masters,' replied Krushchev.

Eleven a.m.

Nehru went out on to the balcony again. He saw a number of black limousines driving by.

'Who are they?' asked Nehru.

'That's us!' announced Krushchev proudly. 'The servants of the people.'

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