Your 5 Jokes for August 21 2013: Bag Jokes

Bag Of Candy

So, I saw this friend of mine today. He was sitting in a chair, holding a bag of candy drops, and crying. So I asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm thinking of all these sad things," he said.

"But why?" I asked.

"Because I want to make myself cry," he said.

"Why would you do that?" I asked.

"Because I want to open this candy bag!" he said.

"How is crying going to help you open the bag?" I asked.

"It says here," he said, pointing to the bag, "Tear here!"

Bag Of Money

There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!" said the old woman.

Good Exercise

I just came across this exercise suggested for seniors to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems easy, so I thought I’d pass it on to some of my friends.

The article suggested doing it three days a week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb.potato sacks, then 50-lb. potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks; but be careful.

Packing Up

This is attributed to Rajaji: Before Indepen­dence, he was arguing with an Englishman about India's freedom. The Englishman retorted,' Look here! We have spent millions of pounds here - building cities, laying roads, railways and canals. We have built dams and barrages, universities, hospitals; opened mines; built ports and harbours, and so on. Do you seriously ask us to pack up bags and leave India?'

'No said Rajaji,' please leave the bags behind.'

Swimming Was The Easiest Part

An elderly man and his wife, vacationing at a cabin by the lake, were sitting on the porch and reminiscing about their younger years.

"This is the lake where I learned how to swim when I was a small boy," the husband said.

"My father threw me into the water and I had to learn how to dog paddle to get back to the shore or drown. It was sink or swim."

"That was a cruel thing for your father to do," the wife said. "How could a loving father do such a thing to a small child? That must have been a very difficult way to learn how to swim."

"Not really," replied the husband. "Learning how to swim was the easy part. Getting out of that burlap bag first was the hard part!"