Two men are talking. The first said, "I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes."
"That's amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same reasons".
The Perfect Girl
A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married?
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl. The only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything ... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.
The Perfect Man
A woman is explaining the kind of man she wants at a dating service:
"He has to be polite, he has to have various interests, he has to know how to have a good conversation, he has to know what’s going on around the world, and he has to never interrupt me."
"You don’t need a man, madam, you need a TV!"
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank, were out to dinner.