Your 5 Jokes for March 12, 2012: Bachelor Jokes

A Girl Like My Mother

Manny is almost 29 years old. His friends have already gotten married, but Manny still just dates and dates.

Finally, a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"

"No," Manny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"

"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole mother?"

Many weeks go by and again Manny and his friend get together. "So, Manny, did you find that perfect girl yet--one that's just like your mother?"

Manny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like Mom. And my mother loved her, and they became fast friends."

"So should I congratulate you? Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"

"I'm afraid not. My father can't stand her!"


I Got Married Because …

Two men are talking. The first said, "I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes."

"That's amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same reasons".


The Perfect Girl

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl. The only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything ... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.


The Perfect Man

A woman is explaining the kind of man she wants at a dating service:

"He has to be polite, he has to have various interests, he has to know how to have a good conversation, he has to know what’s going on around the world, and he has to never interrupt me."

"You don’t need a man, madam, you need a TV!"


Two Bachelors

Two bachelors, Larry and Frank, were out to dinner.

The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking.

“I got a cook book once” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank.

“You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…”


Related collections:

Divorce jokes
Husband jokes
Marriage jokes
Wife jokes

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