Your 5 Jokes for August 19, 2012: Baby Jokes

A Mixture Of Emotions

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband."A penny for your thoughts," she said."It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."


Suzie's mother sent her to the store to buy diapers for the new baby. "That'll be eight dollars for the diapers," said the clerk, "and thirty cents for the tax."

"Oh, we don't use tacks," said Suzie. "When my mother changes the baby, she just fastens them with pins."

The Scales

A blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store’s baby scale.

“Sorry, ma’am,” says the clerk. “Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.”

“Oh, that won’t work,” says the blonde.

“Why not?” asks the clerk.

“Because,” she answers, “I’m not the mother - I’m the aunt.”.

Too Busy

After they had brought their first baby home from hospital, a young wife suggested to her husband that he try his hand at changing diapers, “I’m busy,” he said. “I’ll do the next one”.

The next time the baby was wet, she asked if he was now ready to learn how to change diapers.

He looked puzzled. “Oh,” he replied finally. “I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!”

Where’d We Get Him?

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"

His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."

Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"