One of the highlights of the freshman biology class at New Mexico Highlands University was the monthly feeding of a caged rattlesnake kept in the laboratory. One time, the entire class gathered around the cage and, in complete silence, watched as the feeding took place.
"I’m jealous of the snake," the instructor said. "I never get the class’s undivided attention like this."
A student answered matter-of-factly, "You would if you could swallow a mouse."
Hannah was spending the night with her grandparents. At Bath-time Hannah asked her grandmother if they were going to church The next morning. When Grandma said yes, Hannah turned up her nose And said, "I don't like Sunday school."
"But Hannah," Grandma replied, "we should learn all we can about God."
"I learned all about that when we lived in Illinois."
"Well, I've been going to church all my life and I haven't learned everything about God," Grandma said.
"Maybe you weren't paying attention."
Somebody Was Paying Attention
When a nosy fourth-grade student wanted the scoop on what another teacher and I were discussing in private, I decided it was time for an impromptu lesson in manners.
"Do you know what ‘minding your own business’ means?" I asked pointedly.
He didn’t, but a student clear across the room shouted, "I do!"
The Lecturer And The Class
In the university, the lecturers were entering their classes. Meanwhile, the students were doing their own stuff. When the lecturer said,"Class, attention please!" all of them still did something else. Of course they didn't pay attention because the lecturer asked the CLASS to pay attention!
The Math Class
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'