Your 5 Jokes for January 03, 2013: Atheist Jokes

Atheism

"An atheist walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, check out my new hair color.”

The atheist replies, “But you don’t have any hair. How can you say bald is a hair color.”

“The same way people say your religion is atheism.”"


The Atheist And The Believer

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"


The Flood

Max has been a confirmed atheist ever since he left University. But now that he is approaching his 60th birthday, spiritual issues start to become part of his life and he decides to become a believer again. The next Sunday, Max goes to service for the first time in nearly 40 years.

He enjoys the occasion and even listens attentively to the Pastor’s sermon, especially the bit at the end when the Pastor announces that his sermon next week would be about the great flood.
At the end of the service, Max goes over to the Pastor and says, "Pastor, I really enjoyed the service. Unfortunately I won’t be able to attend next week. But please don’t think I will be shirking my duties – I can be as charitable as the next man. So please put me down for £20 for the flood victims."


The Fly

Atheist: What’s this fly doing in my soup?

Waiter: Praying.

Atheist: Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.

Waiter: You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.


The Holiday

There once was an atheist who was so worked up about Christians having a holiday and him not, that he took a preacher to court. When the judge had heard the whole story he said, "I have made my decision."

The atheist was surprised, for it had not taken long for the judge to make his decision. The judge told them that this case was not true, for the atheist already had a holiday.

The atheist was stunned. He replied, "I have no holiday!"
To that the judge replied "The Bible says that anyone who does not believe in God is a fool. You have a holiday, April Fools Day!"

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