While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.
As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughter. "I see. .. it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."
A lawyer defending a manaccused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Problem With His Arm
A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor"; says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off."
The Mad Lawyer
Two doctors were discussing a case in a mental ward. The first doctor asked what had triggered such a profound depressive psychosis in the patient. The second one answered, "He`s a lawyer. One day at home, he started to think about how much money he’d taken out of his partners and clients over the last few years. He laughed so hard he defecated in his pants. When he smelled the foul odour he had created, he checked for the source. Finding his trousers full of the stuff, he thought he was leaking. This caused him to go into shock and faint. When he woke up, he found he had fallen on his arm, breaking it." The first doctor asked, "He went mad because he broke an arm?" The second medic answered, "No, he went mad because he couldn't figure out how to sue himself!"