Your 5 Jokes for January 20, 2013: Angel Jokes

Curing The Sick

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, "I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?" "Of course," the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years. The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively -- "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a disability pension."


Lovely Little Angel

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?"The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!" The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!" The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag.The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my bloody damn’d cookies!"


The Choice
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.

One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."

The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."


The Lawyer And The Angel

After dying suddenly at the age of 46, Jack the lawyer was greeted by an angel at the gates of Heaven. "We've been waiting for you for a long time," the angel said.
"What do you mean?" Jack replied. "I'm 46, right in the prime of my life, far too young to die."

"You're not 46, you're 85," said the angel. "If you think I'm 85 then you definitely have the wrong guy. I can even show you my birth certificate," Jack said.

The angel told Jack to wait while he went and checked some records. After a few minutes the angel returned and said, "By our records you are 85. I've checked all the hours you've billed your clients and you definitely have to be 85!"


Why Do You Call Me Angel?

Sadie has been married for five years and is pleased when her husband Issy starts to call her ‘an angel’. She likes compliments as much as the next woman, but after it goes on for a few weeks, Sadie asks Issy, "Why do you call me an angel, dear?"

"Because," replies Issy, "you’re always up in the air, you’re continually harping on about something and you never have a thing to wear."

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