How Many American Tourists Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
An American in England
An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby. “The lift will be down presently," the receptionist told him.
“The lift?" said the American. “Oh, you mean the elevator."
“No, I mean the lift." replied the Englishman.
“I think I should know what it is called," said the American. “Elevators were invented in the States."
“Perhaps," retorted the Englishman. “But we invented the language".
Capitalism and Communism
Two Americans are talking. One asks: "What's the difference between capitalism and communism?"
"That's easy" says the other one. "In capitalism man exploits man! In communism it is the other way around!"
The American and the Japanese
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When
the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of '-kee' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
Two Americans and the Swiss Man
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. ''Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?’’ he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. ‘’Excusez-moi, parlez-vous Français?’’ he tries. The two continue to stare. ‘’Parlare Italiano?’’ No response. ‘’Hablan ustedes Español?’’ Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, ‘’Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.’’ “Why?" says the other, “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good."