Two aardvarks watched in amazement as a firework flashed across the sky.
1st aardvark: Wow! I wish I could fly like that.
2nd aardvark: You would, if your tail was on fire.
My Father’s Calling
Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk.
Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy.
After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave."
Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling.
Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?"
One day at the end of a church meeting, the person conducting asked, "Is there anything more that needs to be brought up before we end the meeting?"
One of the oldest members slowly raised his hand. "Yes. I guess I should tell you that I'm going to have to resign my position."
Most of the members around the table looked surprised at the gentleman.
He continued, "I went to the doctor the other day. I now have AIDS."
Astonishment filled the room. As they stared at him in amazement, he went on.
"It's true. I now have an aid in my left ear and another in my right ear!"
A stutterer goes away to a two-week intensive speech therapy course on the East Coast. When he returns, his friends ask how it went.
The stutterer pauses, takes a deep breath, and slowly says, “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers."
His friends are amazed. “You said that completely fluently!" they say.
The stutterer says, “Y-y-yeah b-b-but it’s, it’s h-h-hard t-t-to w-w-work th-that in-t-to a, a c-c-conversation."
The Boss’s Car
A boss took one of his employees to show his new sports car.
"That is amazing" the employee was fascinated.
"That is true" replied boss "and if you set your new goals higher and work even harder I can get an even better car next year".
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