5 Alabama Jokes

Can't Get Out!

An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchhiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.

As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We're tryin' to get out, but we can't get the dang tailgate open!"

Are Ya Chicken?

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke.

The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6'2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6'4 and weighs 250 and he's from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6'6 and weighs 280 and he's from Alabama, too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"

The guy says, "Nah."

To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?"

The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."


A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled "New York Football Player Brains" , $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles.

The clerk replies, "Well, we've got Tennessee brains for $10 an ounce, and Alabama football brains for $1,000,000 an ounce."

The man says, "Why the big difference in price?"

The clerk answers,"Do you know how many Alabama football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains!"


A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous young girl. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!"

Iron Bowl Story

A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the Iron Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes his seat is in the last row in the upper deck. He is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows from the field right on the 50 yardline. He decides to take a chance and make his way through the stadium to the empty seat.

As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says "No".

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Auburn-Alabama game and not use it?!"

The man replies, " Well actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Iron Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1960."

"Well, that's really sad," Joe said, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?"

"No," the man replied, They're all at the funeral!"

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