Your 5 Jokes for May 24, 2012: Airport Jokes

A Mathematician at the Airport

At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a mathematics teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. It was later discovered that he taught the students to solve their problem with the help of radicals!


A man at the airline counter tells the rep. “I’d like this bag to go to Berlin, this one to California, and this one to London."

The rep says, “I’m sorry sir. We can’t do that."

The man replied: “Nonsense. That is what you did last time I flew with you."

Special Scale

While Bill waited at the airport to board his plane, he noticed a computer scale that would give your weight and a fortune. He dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed: “You weigh 195 pounds, you are married, and you’re on your way to San Diego." Bill stood there dumbfounded.

Another man put in a quarter and the computer read: “You weigh 184 pounds, you’re divorced, and you’re on your way to Chicago."

Bill said to the man, “Are you divorced and on our way to Chicago?"

“Yes," replied the man.

Bill was amazed. Then he rushed to the men’s room, changed his clothes, and put on dark glasses. He went to the machine again.

The computer read: “You still weigh 195 pounds, you’re still married, and you just missed your plane to San Diego."

Tower to Pilot

Tower: "Say fuelstate."

Pilot: "Fuelstate."

Tower: "Say again."

Pilot: "Again."

Tower: "Arghl, give me your fuel!"

Pilot: "Sorry, need it by myself..."

Wait for Three Hours

Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport.

After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he’d have to wait an additional three hours in the airport.

“How come?," his nephew asked.

“My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained.

“Grounded?" the little boy said. “I didn’t know planes had parents."

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