Your 5 Jokes for December 01, 2012: Aging Jokes

Appetite

Two little old ladies, Gertrude and Zelda, were sitting on a park bench near Golders Green having a serious conversation.

"Gertrude," said Zelda, "I don't understand something. I simply have no appetite lately. No matter how much I try to eat, I have no appetite."

Gertrude said, "Listen Zelda, my doctor, the lovely Doctor Myers, once told me that if I didn't have an appetite I should take a little piece of herring before meals and I would soon get an appetite.

So I tried it and it was true. So take my advice, Zelda and try a little piece of herring before lunch and you'll see, you'll develop an appetite."

A few days later the two meet again in the park.

"Nu, Zelda, how do you feel now? Did the herring give you an appetite?"

Zelda sighed, "I took your advice. First I had a little piece of herring. Then I had a whole herring. I really wanted to give it a chance, so I ate six herrings. But Gertrude, your advice didn't work for me. Would you believe, when lunch time came, I had absolutely no appetite!"


Ex-Lax

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: "It makes you feel young again." John looks at Sylvester and says, "We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!" Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive. About one mile later Sylvester asks, "Well John, do you feel young yet?" "No," replies John. So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road. A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, "John, do you feel younger?" "No," replies John, "but I sure did a childish thing!"


Operated For A Gallbladder Infection

An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins.

The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.

After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father.

The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time.

"But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over a year!"


The Check-Up

A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?”

The 60-year-old responded, “Did I say he was dead?” The doctor was surprised and asked, “How old is he and is he very active?”

The 60-year-old responded, “Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer.” The doctor couldn’t believe it! So he said, “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?”

The 60-year-old responded again, “Did I say he was dead?” The doctor was astonished. He said, “You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?” The 60-year-old said, “He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer.

Not only that,” said the patient, “my great grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again.”

The doctor said, “At 106 years why on earth would your great grandfather want to get married?”

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, “Did I say he wanted to?”


Turning Off The Lights

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

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