5 Age Jokes

The Census Taker

The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age.

"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.

"Did my next door neighbors, Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill, tell you THEIR ages?" she asked.

"Certainly," he replied.

"Well, I'm the same age as they are!" she snapped.

"As old as the Hills," he wrote on his form.


A Conversation With The Dentist

A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up. The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but no re-sponse. After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check.

The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well: "How old are you?" No response.

The dentist then asked: "Don't you know how old you are?" Immediately four tiny fingers went up.

"Oh," replied the dentist, "and do you know how old that is?" Four little fingers went up once again.

Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked: "Can you talk?"

The solemn little patient looked at him and asked: "Yes! And can you count?"


How Old Would You Say I Am?

Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted.

"I haven't added them up yet."


Keeping a Secret

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.”

“I don’t know about that,” answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.”

“You’ll let it out some day,” the man insisted.

“I hardly think so!” responded the lady. “When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.”


The Old Man’s Leg

An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his left leg that doesn't heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.

The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry, but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there's nothing I can do about it."

The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! It is illogical! That just can't be!"

The doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?"

The patient answers, "I'm no doctor, but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all, my right leg feels just fine."

"So what?" says the doctor in a bit of a professional huff, "What difference does that make?"

"Well the right one doesn't hurt a bit, and it's exactly the SAME AGE!"

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