Your 5 Jokes for February 07, 2012: Advice Jokes

Hail Storm

A blonde was driving home one night and got caught in the middle of a real bad hail storm. With hailstones as big as golf balls, her car got dented up pretty badly.

The next day, she took it to a body shop. The owner, noticing that she was blonde, decided to have some fun and told her she could save some money if, when she got home she would blow real hard in the tailpipe, and the dents would pop out.

When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe and her blonde girlfriend saw her. Her friend was startled and asked, "What are you doing?" So the first girl told her friend what the body shop guy had told her to do.

Her girlfriend says, "You dumb blonde! You need to roll up the windows first."


Legal Advice

Nugent needed legal advice, so he walked into the office of Gregory, Ellis and Gregory. Nugent sat down at the desk of the senior member of the firm.

'If you're not really in bad trouble, I'll take the case,' said Gregory. 'If you're in a real jam and want to get out of it, my partner will handle it.

If, on the other hand, you're not involved and want to get in trouble, my son, who just graduated from law school, will take it!'


Marge’s Advice

This man wrote into the Daily Mirror for some advice. He said, 'Dear Marge, I must get this off my chest. I did this awful golf shot, and the ball didn't go anywhere near: the green. In fact it landed on this bloke's head and killed him. What shall I do?'

Marge said, 'Try and get more rhythm in your swing.'


Marriage Advice

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

3. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

4. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

8. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

9. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

10. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

11. A woman has the last word in any argument.

12. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

13. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.


Organizing

A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things."

The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"

The first woman asked, "Did it help?"

Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

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