Your 5 Jokes for May 12, 2013: Accused Jokes

Accomplices

In a robbery case, the Judge asked the accused:

- You carried out all these robberies on your own. Don't you have an accomplice?

The Accused: Alas, I had to carry out these robberies all alone - where can you get an honest accomplice these days?


How Hard?

A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.

He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."


Is It True?

Judge to the accused: “You have been accused of imprisoning, threatening, intimidating and treating your wife as your slave. Is it true?"

Accused: “Your honor......I,..I......"

Judge: “I don’t want any explanations. Just tell me how you achieved this feat."


Satisfaction

Near the end of a court hearing while the sentence was just about to be passed against the defendant, the defendant appealed that he is not satisfied with his lawyer and wants to change him

The judge was stunned, and said “The police caught you red handed from the jewler shop, the shopkeeper has identified you, the jewelery has been recovered from your possession, and on top of that, you are a eight time convict. What in your opinion can any lawyer do to save you from prison?"

Accused replied, “That is what i want to see as well"


The Courtroom

In a courtroom, a defendant was asked to stand in the dock. As soon as he took his position, he said directly to the judge, "I don't recognize this court!"

"And why is that?" asked the Judge.

The defendant replied, "Well, you seem to have decorated it since the last time I visited."

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