Your 5 Jokes for September 15, 2012: Accounting Jokes
Accounting And Ethics
The current scandals over how large companies have been cooking the books reminds me of a basic accounting course I took years ago. The professor was explaining an accounting method called First In Last Out, which is useful for industries that accumulate large inventories of stuff.
It explains why the oil industry, for example, reported huge profits during the 1970′s when the oil shortage occurred. They stopped buying oil, so they had to use oil that, on paper, had been purchased in the
1930′s at 20¢ a barrel. They of course sold it at current market prices, which accounted for their huge profits.
One of the students put up his hand and said, “Excuse me, sir, but that doesn’t sound very ethical to me."
To which the professor replied, “You’re in the wrong class, son, this is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is down the hall."
The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him. "How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics, is don't you?" The young partner is offended. "Of course I know what Ethics is. It's a county in southern England."
Fresh Out Of Accounting School
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him,
"What is three times seven?"
"22," Rick replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
The Accountant’s Daughter
The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly, she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"