Your 5 Jokes for April 20, 2014: Accent Jokes

An Italian In The US

One day ima gonna America to bigga hotel.

Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate you idiot. I don't even know the lady and she call me idiot.

So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you idiot.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: 'Peace on you.'

I say piss on you too, you idiot, I gonna back to Italy.


Making Fun Of The Waiter

A Chinese waiter had a particular customer who constantly made fun of his accent. Usually ordering Flied Lice and then laughing.

The waiter became upset and decided to end the joke. He practiced constantly in front of the mirror until he could say, fried rice.

Next time the man came in he said, "What is good on the menu today?"
The waiter replied, "_F_r_i_e_d_ _r_i_c_e_, you twelp."


Not Very Polite, Sweethaat

My daughter said something to me that I didn’t think was very polite.

I told her she needed to say it again in a nicer way—so she repeated it with a British accent.


The Headstone

A Yorkshireman orders a headstone for the grave of his dead wife. He asks for a simple inscription saying, ‘She was thine!’ A week later he returns to the stonemason and sees that he’s carved ‘She was thin!’ ‘That’s no good t’me, lad,’ says the Yorkshireman. ‘You’ve left off the “E”.’ The stonemason agrees to rectify the error. A week later the Yorkshireman returns. The inscription now reads ‘E she was thin’.


Tea Or Tie

Noddy Holder is going back on the road with Slade and visits a 70s style clothes shop to get his stage costume together. ‘So what will you need, Noddy?’ asks the salesman. ‘A pair of platform boots. Pair of flared trousers. Big glittery hat. And a shirt with a big collar,’ says Noddy. ‘Kipper tie?’ asks the assistant. ‘Oh ta very much,’ says Noddy. ‘Milk and two sugars.’

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