5 Court Jokes

Appeals

A court appointed lawyer was defending this idiot in lower court.

The judge found him guilty, and said 30 days and $30.00.

The lawyer said “what do you want to do?”

Not having much education the idiot said, “Let’s peal it up stairs”

The lawyer said “your honor we appeal this case up to a higher court”

When they got in the higher court the judge said 60 days and $60.00.

“What do you want to do now?”, he asked the idiot

“Let’s peal it back down stairs.”


Fair Judgement

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"


Nine Times in Prison

A judge looked severely at the defendant and asked, “How many times have you been imprisoned?”

“Nine, you Honour.”

“Nine? In this case, I will give you the maximum sentence.”

“Maximum sentence?” said the defendant. “Don’t you give your regular clients a discount?”


True

Judge: “Is it true that you owe John a thousand pounds?”

Defendant: “Yes, it’s true.”

Judge: “Then, why don’t you just pay him back?”

Defendant: “Because it wouldn’t be true anymore.”


Potential Juror

As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

The defense attorney took a different approach, however. "I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?"

"English and theater," I responded.

"Then I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney quipped.

"No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting."

When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.


Related Collections

Arrest jokes - Attorney jokes - Confession jokes - Crime jokes - Defendant jokes - Divorce jokes - Honesty jokes - Jail jokes - Judge jokes - Jury jokes - Justice jokes - Law jokes Lawyer jokes - Liar jokes - Lies jokes - Mugging jokes - Police jokes - Prison jokes - Prisoner jokes - Robber jokes - Robbery jokes - Theft jokes - Thief jokes - Trial jokes - Truth jokes - Witness jokes