A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
Several years ago the city of Birmingham decided to lease several English style double decker buses to transport the Auburn and Alabama fans to the Iron Bowl. On this bus, the Auburn fans were on the bottom level and the Alabama fans were on the top deck. as we started off to the stadium, all of the Auburn fans were making a lot of noise yelling "War Eagle" and having a good time. We noticed that the Alabama fans were quiet. Not a sound was coming from the upper deck.
I decided to go up top and see what was wrong. As I arrived up top , I noticed that all of the Alabama fans had their hands clasped on the rail in front of them and they all were white as a sheet. I was stunned. I asked them why they all were so frightened?
They replied with fear in their eyes, "WE DON'T HAVE A DRIVER."
A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. There's no room,' they said. 'It's full up!'
'But you must let me on!' shouted the man.
'Why, what's so special about you?' they asked.
I'm the driver,' replied the man.
Dave, a bus driver, tells the story of when he was driving a bus load pensioners to Brighton, on a day trip, when he was tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offered him a handful of peanuts, which he happily took and ate. After about 20 minutes, she tapped him on his shoulder again and she handed him another handful of peanuts. The old dear repeated this generous gesture several more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he decided to ask the little old lady, 'Why don't you and your friends eat the peanuts yourself?'.
'We can't chew them because We've no teeth' , she answered.
Dave was puzzled and enquired, 'Then why on earth do you buy them?'
'Oh, we just love the chocolate around them', replied the old lady.
One day, Mike, a bus driver, was in his bus when the biggest man he had ever seen got on. The giant looked at the driver and growled, 'Big Eric doesn't pay', and took his seat. Mike was only a little man and he didn't really want to argue.
This happened for several days. After a week, Mike was beginning to get a little angry. Everybody else paid, so why not the big man?
So Mike went to the gym and started a course of body-building. He didn't want to be frightened of Big Eric any longer.
Eight weeks later the driver had strong muscles and was feeling very fit.
At the usual stop, Big Eric got on. 'Big Eric doesn't pay' , he barked; but this time Mike was prepared for him. He stood up, shaking slightly, and said between clenched teeth, 'Oh, yeah? And why doesn't Big Eric pay?'
'Because Big Eric has got a bus pass', the man replied.