Your 5 Jokes for April 18, 2014: Trouble Jokes

Nobody Can Hear

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Your 5 Jokes for April 17, 2014: Cake Jokes

Eating Cakes

A man was very hungry, and went to buy cakes at a snack bar. When he finished a cake, he found he hadn't had enough, and so ate a second one. He felt so hungry that after eating six cakes in succession, he still hadn't satisfied his hunger. Not till the seventh cake was eaten up, did he feel satisfied. Then, suddenly, he had a feeling of regret.

"Ah, if I had known this before, I would have eaten the seventh cake first and that would have been enough and there would not have been any need to eat those six others."

Your 5 Jokes for April 16, 2014: Complaining Jokes

Husband

A woman is complaining to her friend about her marriage.
Her friend says, "Yeah, I understand, I guess there isn't anymore magic in your life."

"Oh, no, there's still some magic! Every Saturday night he disappears!"

Your 5 Jokes for April 15, 2014: Sugar Jokes

Anxious Patient

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.

"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.

"Are you light-headed? " my colleague asked.

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

Your 5 Jokes for April 14, 2014: Mule Jokes

Mule Eggs

The raw worker was told by the farmer for whom he worked that the pumpkins in the corn patch were mule's eggs, which only needed someone to sit on them to hatch. Pat was ambitious to own a mule, and, selecting a large pumpkin, he sat on it industriously every moment he could steal from his work. Came a day when he grew impatient, and determined to hasten the hatching. He stamped on the pumpkin. As it broke open, a startled rabbit broke from its cover in an adjacent corn shock and scurried across the field. Pat chased it, shouting: "Hi, thar! Stop! don't yez know your own father?"

Your 5 Jokes for April 13, 2014: Healing Jokes

Best Doctors In The World

A fellow was asked if there were any good doctors is his home town. "Good doctors!" he exclaimed. "We have the best doctors in the world. Dr. James Jones is one good doctor; he's great; he saved my life."

"You don't say! How was that?"

"I was very sick and called Dr. Smith. He gave me some medicine and I got very, very ill. I then called Dr. Peters. He gave me more medicine. I got worse - I thought I was going to die."

"Then I called Dr. Jones. He had no time to come. He saved my life."

Your 5 Jokes for April 12, 2014: Thinking Jokes

Does God Exist?

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor presented the following logic:"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke."Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke."Has anyone in this class seen God?" When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:"Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?" Silence."Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?" Silence."Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?" When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor' s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"

Your 5 Jokes for April 11, 2014: Groom Jokes

At The Wedding Ceremony

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

Your 5 Jokes for April 10, 2014: Pride Jokes

Flags

I was walking down The Mall with a friend yesterday when he turned to me and said, "Seeing all those flags on display makes me so proud of my country."

"But Chan, you're Chinese", I replied, "All those flags are British".

"No they're not", he laughed, "Just take a look at the labels".

Your 5 Jokes for April 09, 2014: Walk Jokes

A Walk In The Cemetery

An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone, he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if anyone has gone to heaven, he has."

They walked on a bit farther and then came to another grave. The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, "Now there's a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars, and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to hell, he has."

The little boy thought for a while and then said, "You know, Grandpa, you are very lucky."

"Why?" asked the old man in surprise.

"Well, whichever place you go to, you'll have some money to draw on."

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